NO SOLICITING

The neat, businesslike sign, placed just above the doorbell, says “NO SOLICITING.”

It is not possible to “not see” this sign in advance of knocking on the door, or ringing the doorbell.

Yet, for whatever reason, there are some people who persist in ringing our doorbell, to spread the message about their gospel, goods or political beliefs.

Each time, I ask myself, “What the fongonus are they thinking?” Don’t they realize that trying to make a pitch after being asked not to, only causes aggravation to the resident? It definitely disinclines me from wanting to listen to or buy anything.

If I do not know you, and you do not live in the neighborhood, and my car or house is not on fire, then I wonder why someone would want to ring my doorbell.

Sometimes they are trying to sell carpet cleaning by offering two free rooms - today only. Other times, with a Bible open at the ready, they are ready to quote some verse, in order to support their particular religions viewpoint. Or, maybe they are just ready to had over a pamphlet about the product, church or political candidate they are supporting.

We have a heavy duty, security type, metal screen door. It was locked. The front door was open, to allow some cool air, as it has been fairly hot in these parts the past few days. Dressed in my grey boxer briefs, t-shirt, and slippers, I was in the middle of preparing breakfast, in anticipation of watching the FIFA World Cup match between Spain and The Netherlands.

When the doorbell rang at 10:05 AM, I stepped the few feet from the stove to the entry hall to see the stranger at the door. As soon as he saw me, he started his 60 miles per hour pitch about carpet cleaning, wanting to know what room I wanted cleaned first. When he paused to catch his breath, I pointed to the sign and reminded him that it says “NO SOLICITING.” His response was that he was not selling anything, because he was offering free carpet cleaning.

I said, “Do I look like I just fell off a turnip truck?” I let him know that I would not be very anxious to participate in any unsolicited offer, "...especially from someone who is so reasoning impaired that they do not understand the concept of NO SOLICITING."

He had some sort of smartass comeback, and I let him know that I guessed that I would have to go get the shotgun.

He said if I went to get the shotgun, he “…would have to get the sheriff out here.” I let him know if would not be the sheriff, it would be the Marysville, police, and, they’ve already been out here several times in the past. “They already know I’m a little tetched in the head.”

That’s when I started my obvious nervous tick routine, and talking to imaginary folks. One voice said, “You have to shoot someone this stupid,” and another voice said, “He’s only trying to sell carpet cleaning, let him go.” Then I said, “Yeah, but he can’t read. That means he’s real stupid and should be culled from the gene pool.”

As the nervous ticks became more exaggerated, the unwanted intruder decided that it was time to take off, lickity split, for his own personal safety. I had a good laugh as I returned to fixing the scrambled eggs.