LUNCH INTERRUPTUS

While I am out doing errands, sometimes I like to stop for a snack. I usually get something where there is a drive through service. Bag in hand, I drive to a shady, quiet spot, to have some fries, a cheeseburger, and a coke without ice. Yesterday was no exception. As I was about to take a bite out of my hamburger, there was a very loud noise in the air. It was chanting of some sort, “BWAAA BWAAAA, HUPP, HUPP, CHUMMAA, CHUMULONGA, MEKKANODDDOO,” followed by the bleating of a what sounded like a horn or trumpet. I thought, “What The Fongonus is that?!!” Then there was more unwelcome noise, “BWAAA BWAAAA, CHUMULONGA, HUPP, HUPP, MEKKANODDDOO, BWAAA BWAAAA, CHUMULONGA, HUPP, HUPP, BOOLAPIPPA,” followed by another sour, off note, bleating of a horn. As I looked around the large, mostly empty parking lot, I spotted the source of this noisy, rude, distraction. It was a pickup truck, with oversized tires, parked next to the sidewalk and close to a very busy street. The pickup was the type where the door is about four feet off the ground, and where one would almost need a stepladder to get into it. More noise, “MOOGADINGA, BWAAA, HUPP, HUPP, BWAAAA, CHUMULONGA, HUPP, HUPP, MEKKANODDDOO, BWAAA, BWAAAA, CHUMULONGA, HUPP, HUPP, BOOPADOONGA,” followed by loud moaning, as if someone was in pain. Then, I saw a man pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. Close to him, there were two portable speaker stands, so he could amplify his ramblings. More bleating noise from a horn. “MALAKA, MALAKAAA, CRUNOO, HUPP, HUPP, LALALA, LALALAOOPAA, CRUNOODOO, HUPP,” and more bleating from the horn. It finally dawned on me that there were three younger men pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. The pickup truck had hand made signs. As it was time to leave, I drove closer to the noise. AhhHaa, it was a religious freak show. I wonder if it is politically correct to use the term “freak show.” There were three younger guys, (30’s), who must have had their springs wound real tight about Jesus. The pickup truck was plastered with religious slogans and Bible quotations. It made me think about the people who knock on my door, or ring my doorbell, even though there is a sign that says “NO SOLICITORS.” When I answer the door, and see them standing there, Bible in hand, I ask them if they saw the NO SOLICITORS sign. “Oh, we are not selling anything,” is the normal reply. “Well, if you are here to talk about religion, the Bible, Jesus, or politics, and I have never seen you before, you are soliciting.” Hearing, “CHUMULONGA, HUPP, HUPP, BOOPADOONGA, MALAKA, MALAKAAA, CRUNOO, HUPP, HUPP,” brought me back to the parking lot. Oh, I get it! This must be their version of "speaking in tongues!” These guys are definitely on a mission to try to convert others to their thinking and way of life. The only difference is, they are not knocking on doors, they are polluting the airwaves with their nonsense. There ought to be a law, maybe. Then I thought, WWJD… Yessss, what would Jesus do? Somehow, I get the idea that Jesus would not be wearing a black and silver uniform. Somehow, I get the idea that Jesus would not be driving around in an oversized pickup truck with gigantic tires. Somehow, I get the idea that Jesus would not be using portable loudspeakers to annoy people. I definitely get the idea that Jesus would not be speaking in tongues. On the other hand, it is 2012, and times have changed. Maybe Jesus would do all of that.